


A flickering light

by purple_cube



Category: Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-09
Updated: 2015-02-09
Packaged: 2018-03-11 09:51:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3323066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/purple_cube/pseuds/purple_cube
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The nights were mainly made for saying things that you can't say tomorrow day - Arctic Monkeys.</p>
<p>Johanna lives - and Haymitch cares.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A flickering light

**Author's Note:**

> Written for an anon prompt on Tumblr, for Hayhanna and "things only said at night".

 

  

  1. _Sorry_



 

She doesn’t expect to see Haymitch right away, not when he has his Victors to tend to. Still, witnessing Finnick and Annie’s reunion hurts, seeing them wrapped so tightly around each other that she has no idea where he ends and she begins.

 

And it doesn’t hurt for the reasons that she thought it would. She’s happy for them, has been ever since Finnick admitted that he had developed feelings for Annie and wanted to end whatever the hell he and Jo had together.

 

It hurts because she wants it for herself, whatever _it_ is. She wants someone to care that she didn’t let them break her. Someone to care that she made it out when Snow had declared that she wouldn’t, not unless she told him everything she knew about the rebellion.

 

She wants someone to care that she’s still alive.

 

A long while later, after hell breaks loose and it seems that Peeta is even more broken than she thought, she wakes to find Haymitch by her infirmary bed.

 

“You look like shit,” she tells him.

 

But he doesn’t laugh like she expects. Doesn’t even smile. And he certainly doesn’t tell her to look in a mirror.

 

“Sorry,” he says instead.

 

She shrugs. “Doesn’t bother me.”

 

“No,” he insists. “I’m _sorry_.”

 

_Oh_.

 

What is she supposed to say? _It’s alright? No problem? I forgive you?_

Does he have any idea what they did to her?

 

_Does he even care?_

 

Before she can give voice to any of those questions, he turns to leave. But just as he pulls the curtain to one side to step through, he looks over his shoulder at her with eyes more clear than she can ever recall seeing.

 

“Glad you’re alive, Jo.”

 

*

 

  1. _Thank you_



 

The wedding is actually enjoyable, despite her reservations. Finnick and Annie look happier than ever, and the entire event seems to lift even the most miserable of District 13’s expressions.

 

So when Haymitch asks her to dance, she finds herself accepting and following him to the center of the room. They sway to a slow folk song that she is unfamiliar with, but he seems to recognize it.

 

When he smiles down at her, she says the words that have been on her lips for the past four years. “Thank you.”

 

He gives her a confused smile. “For what?”

 

“For everything, you know, over the years. For looking after me when I had lost everyone. For telling me who to trust and who not to. For helping me to find a way to cope with it all. And for this,” she finishes, waving her hand to all that is around them.

 

He knows that she doesn’t mean District 13, or the wedding. She means the rebellion.

 

_Thank you for helping to make it happen_.

 

“You know,” he starts, “When I first met you, I thought that it might be _you_. I thought you had that spark that we needed.”

 

She gives him a wry smile. “I’m less of a spark, and more of an explosion.”

 

He laughs loudly, and she watches in fascination at the way the skin around his eyes wrinkles, somehow making him seem years younger.

 

“I guess that’s a fairly accurate description,” he replies. “It was all about timing, too.”

 

She knows. Still. She nods her head in Peeta’s direction, and then at Katniss. “Do you think they can survive this? He’s pretty broken.”

 

“They _have_ to survive,” Haymitch says with conviction. “We all have to.”

 

She doesn’t have to the heart to tell him that she doesn’t think that they will.

 

*

 

  1. _Help_



 

She fails the test in spectacular fashion, winding up back at the infirmary. After Katniss leaves for the Capitol, Peeta comes to her and tells her that he’s leaving too.

 

“That’s a terrible idea,” she says plainly.

 

“There’s nothing for me here,” he retorts. “Snow’s in the Capitol. _Katniss_ is in the Capitol.”

 

“You know why Coin is doing this, don’t you?”

 

He doesn’t, and by his expression, he doesn’t care either.

 

“She wants you to snap and take out the Mockingjay, so that she won’t have to. She knows that she’s going to win the war – which means that they rest of us are dispensable now,” she hisses.

 

He delivers the humorless smile that has become his trademark since arriving in 13 – the one that still manages to shock those who knew him before, including her. “I’ve been dispensable my whole life, Johanna.”

 

When she relays the conversation to Haymitch, she can see the concern in his eyes. “Can’t you talk to Coin?”

 

“Tried,” he mutters through gritted teeth. “She’s suddenly too busy to see me.”

 

So, she’s right. They _are_ dispensable now.

 

The realization sends a shiver down her spine. Masking her fear, she pulls the blanket up to her chin.

 

“It’s so fucking cold in here,” she grumbles. “Help?”

 

She expects him to forage around for a spare blanket, or berate the infirmary staff about the temperature of the room. But, it seems that he has other ideas.

 

She watches, incredulous, as he climbs onto the bed and curls his body around hers.

 

“Don’t get any ideas,” he tells her gruffly, his words sounding muffled against her short crop of hair. “Alcohol withdrawal is playing havoc with my body temperature. Might as well kill two birds with one stone.”

 

She falls asleep with his arm tight around her waist and his steady breaths regulating her own.

 

*

 

  1. _Go_



 

Two presidents die and the world turns on its head.

 

She sleeps with Haymitch – not because it’s a distraction or because she owes him, but because it feels right. Through all of the chaos, from the moment that she knew that she was alone in the world, to the Mockingjay defying the odds yet again, he has been at her side. And somewhere along the way, empathy and loyalty and companionship turned into something more, and she finally feels like she’s in the right headspace to do something about it.

 

During the day, she visits Peeta while he attends court. At night, they come together in a way that feels familiar yet entirely new all at the same time.

 

“Go,” she tells him after the verdict is read. “Go with her.”

 

“She won’t want me –“

 

“It doesn’t matter what she wants,” Jo interrupts, exasperated. “She has no one, Haymitch. Just like I had no one. You’ve seen how her mother is, she’s just not up to it. Not like you and I are.”

 

“And the boy?”

 

“I’ll stay with him,” she vows. “I was with him in the Capitol, and I was helpless back then. I promised myself that I would help him if we ever made it out. Now’s my chance.”

 

He regards her carefully before speaking. “What about _our_ chance?”

 

“Maybe later,” she says softly, not quite a promise, but certainly not a dismissal. “Right now, we have to be there for _them.”_

 

*

 

  1. _Stay_



 

When the dust settles, she visits District 12. Peeta doesn’t tell her, but the little nod that he gives her when she pulls away from their hug communicates that he’s doing alright. And the conversations that the four of them have over dinner each night tell her that they’re all doing so much better than anyone thought they would.

 

She sleeps in Katniss’s guest room, her hosts making no secret out of the fact that they now share a bed. Amongst other things.

 

“You actually _do_ love him,” she says with a snort one morning over breakfast. Katniss looks across, embarrassed at being caught staring after Peeta’s retreating body.

 

“I did before, too,” the younger woman admits. “I just didn’t know it.”

 

On her final night, she follows Haymitch back to his house after their meal.

 

“For old time’s sake?” he asks with a lazy grin when she slides her hand over the crook of his elbow.

 

_No_ , she wants to say. _Don’t reduce it to that_.

 

“Something to remember me by,” she replies instead.

 

It isn’t until after he marks her body with kisses and those soft bites that he knows she likes, that he responds. “I don’t need this to remember you by, Jo. I don’t think I could ever forget you.”

 

“Stay,” he whispers after, almost too quietly for her to hear. Like he’s afraid that she’ll say no.

 

She’d be lying if she were to say that she hadn’t thought about it. She has no real ties to 7, hasn’t had since she became a Victor all those years ago.  The Capitol, despite the pain it brought, was more of a home to her than 7 was, back when she had Finnick and Blight and Seeder to lean on.

 

And she had Haymitch back then, too.

 

She could have him now. They could have each other. To ward off the nightmares, yes, but she recognizes the possibility for so much more between them.

 

“You could stay,” he says, louder this time and with more conviction. “Here, with me.”

 

“Okay,” she whispers back.

 

 


End file.
